Currently, locked away in a storage unit off of the shores of Kobe is millions of dollars in stolen goods.
なんちゃって
Actually, around two weeks ago I was in Osaka for a concert. This was just after me getting off of a flight from America not only 12 hours earlier. At the venue, on the last day (I was in Osaka all weekend and attended two out of the five concerts that weekend… Because I am disgusting fantrash and I have nothing else better to do), I lost my wallet. Or, well, it was “stolen”.
See, in Japan, stolen things isn’t a norm. Before someone steals your wallet, they’ll steal your bike. Yeah, I know, right? Priorities and all of that. Why steal the bike when you can steal the wallet and buy like five bikes from the six hundred dollars inside, right? Naw, that’s too risky. So, the happenings of a wallet going up missing is pretty much next to impossible. Well, I won’t say impossible, I’ll just say the odds are very low (except if you’re in the Shinsekai area, then the odds just shoot up).
Usually, if somone leaves a wallet hanging around… It pretty much stays there, or someone turns it into the staff at the venue. But, in my case, none of that happened. My wallet was gone. What was supposed to be an awesome happy day to be spent sobbing over a bunch of Japanese men in their 30s singing off key and dancing like they’re going backwards in life, was mostly freaking the fuck out that a wallet with everything I need to survive in Japan was gone.
Like any responsible adult would do, I immediately called all my credit card companies in both America and Japan to cancel the cards. America was a piece of cake (OR PIE HAHAHAH no) while Japan was, again, annoying as usual. You see, America just replaces your shit with no questions asked for free whereas Japan will question you like you’re the police, investigate the situation, then tell you that we’ll send out some new cards after you pay us a processing fee of 15 dollars. Or you can leave the accounts open and just wait for the cards to come back.
What.
Anyway, I filed a report with the police in Osaka… or the nearest koban I could find near Osaka Dome. Speaking of which, does anyone clean these police offices in Osaka? I swear, I thought I stepped into a New York City subway station. Actually, the subway station near Dyckman were cleaner than that koban I was at. Also, what’s heat? That seems to be a foreign concept in government buildings, I’m starting to notice.
After filing the report, I was giving a piece of paper with some chicken scratch scribbled on it and a phone number. Told to call back in a few days and why the hell would someone from north Japan be driving all the way to Osaka (え〜あの関ジャニ∞って人気やわぁ). About a week later I get a call from the credit card company in Japan that they got a report from the police in Hyogo Prefecture that they have my wallet.
What.
Anyway, a few days later I get a postcard in the mail from the Hyogo Prefectural Police telling me I need to take my ass back to Hyogo (Amagasaki, to be exact) and claim my shit. I called up to see if they could just mail it to me considering I’m 3 goddamn hours away. But, because of atypical Japanese bureacracy, I had to go.
….
Did you know that you’re supposed to bring between 5% to 20% of the total estimated value of the discovered good as a thank you to the person that turned your shit in? Imagine if it was a LV bag… Holy shit. Luckily, because I’m broke, it wasn’t. looool
I get to the police station, fill out some paperwork, collect my shit and go back home.
Surprisingly enough, my wallet was completely intact. Cash, cards, everything.
さすが日本~
If it was America, I would never see the light of day of that wallet. What I would see though is a bunch of illegal charges and financial headaches.
The bro that saved my life, though honestly he could have just turned the shit into the lost and found at the arena, didnt want to be paid or anything and actually wanted to remain anonymous but they gave me his contact details anyway. So Imma call him up this weekend to thank him.
Ah well.
Now to deal with my BoE who thinks I killed someone in Osaka, hid their body in Hyogo, and throw their stolen goods in my storage house in Kobe.