a merkypie in japan

” This is a little! “, the mechanic laughed as I stared down at her like she was an insane maniac who managed to escape the nuthouse.

Snow has arrived in my corner of Japan. Real snow. Not those ice pellets or slush that tries to masquerade itself as snow (“We’re real snow!” they yell as slam into my car on the way to work). It’s sort of bizarre how this snow thing works in my area. For starters, I live in the 雪国, or in English, Snow Country of Japan. From the southern tip of Fukui up to the tippity disputed top of Hokkaido, the Sea of Japan coast of… Japan… gets dumped with a lot of snow. Reportedly we get more snowfall than any other place on the planet. This is mostly due to this thing with Siberia and some wind and these things called mountains that Japan has that sort of causes some lake effect or whatever (thanks wiki!).

But for some reason, my little pocket in this winter wonderland, doesn’t accumulate as much snow as the surrounding neighbors because we’re not locked into a valley of mountains.My town is on a costal plain which provides more slush than snow. If it does snow, it doesn’t stay cold enough for it to stick and accumulate. This past weekend it snowed at least two feet but by Monday morning, there was nothing let but wet puddles. Now, once I leave my town and head to work, the snow gradually piles up.

So imagine you’re driving and then suddenly you start seeing little pockets of white snow… then suddenly more snow… then more snow… then the snow is simply growing… and it doesn’t stop growing… Then you’re like transported to the Southern Water Tribe and you’re trying to figure out how did you go from wet melty snow land to the arctic tundra. While I live in the comforts (HA!) of a constantly wet slushy city, I work in Narnia. When my coworkers were harassing me (” Did you buy your winter tires yet? Did you get them? Please tell me you got them. This area is dangerous in winter time. You must change tires! Be careful!”) everyday, I merely brushed them off.

Ha! Who need’s winter tires. The JETs in my area said the snow never sticks! Y’all some crazy mofos.

I nearly shat myself when I crossed the portal into Narnia with regular tires. Them teachers weren’t lying; shit be cray. Ended up blowing $220 (not adjusted to piss poor exchange rates) on winter tires.

Last time I’m listening to the JETs in my area. Obviously they haven’t been transported to Narnia on a daily basis yet.

Another thing that’s insanely hilarious to observe is the increase in accidents now that Russia’s winds decided to drop it’s white fluffiness on us. Now, I’m  no safe driver. I’m from South Florida and drive like an insane madman (40km/h? Bitch, you’s crazy. 60km/h that bitch) which seemlessly helped me blend in with the rest of the drivers in this prefecture (I’m telling you, these are some non-driving fools up in here). But, even my dumbass knows not to be fucking around on some ice shit.

There’s signs EVERYWHERE. Any corner you look and there’s gonna be a sign that says, ” スリップに注意!” (Watch out for slipping!), and yet these people just keep doing 80 in a 40 and wonder why their car just spun out into a rice field. It’s not like they put these signs up to entertain us.

” Watch out for slipping! ”

” Watch out! It’s dangerous! ”

” I said slow down! ”

” Now look at your dumbass, your expensive Prius is in the goddamn rice field. ”

Just about every morning I spot someone’s car slammed into a guard rail or into a rice field. Or, surprisingly, in to the porch of my neighbor’s house. Not joking.

I’m excitedly anticipating the soon to be igloo that will be my schools within the next month. I’m just pretty disappointed that the infamous fall everyone in this area boasted about was pretty much only two weeks long, less than if you subtract all the days that it rained.

I love this country. I really do. But sometimes shit just don’t make sense.

  • Tiarra

    Lol! Tots not laughing at the situation but more at how you made some mess into hilarity once again. Just please be careful. I’ma be that ignorant midwesterner and ask if this is the first time you’ve driven in snow. Snow tires sound lovely–but honestly, do they really help all that much. I’m just saying.

    • Merkypie

      I’m a Florida girl so I never had to experience snow like this. The first time I ever saw snow it was frozen, dirty, snow and I was being shuffled around so I never go to interact with it or anything.

      Yay! Its really not that exciting but if I add a thick level of sarcasm then it makes the situation all the better. Or something. It’s my therapy :(((