Yesterday morning, my mother was rambling to me about what I needed to pack and prepare for my departure for Japan. After telling her I couldn’t really focus on that when I don’t even know where I’m going, she ranted to me on how I was moving clear across the world and I need to be prepared for all situations.
Of course, I already knew this but I can’t stress out over the unknowns.
My mom has been worried about this ever since I begun the application process last year. She always had faith in me and knew I was going to be shortlisted, even when I was beating myself up thinking I wasn’t. Sometimes I feel like she was more emotionally invested into this than I was. Her support really helped me through this and I appreciate the strength she’s giving me through this whole experience….
But…
… I feel as if her anxieties are now coming on to me.
I was watching this video on Fukuoka by a bunch of JETs to introduce the prefecture to the new arrivals, and I started to think about how I would deal at an enkai or living alone in a foreign country. I’ve lived on my own before, even far away from my family, but never a world away. I also started worrying about being able to adjust myself to a Japanese workroom mindset. How will be and my JTE work well together? How will I interact with my coworkers? What about my language ability? What about the students? Will I choke? How will I know what to do?
I guess this is normal to think this way, but I had hoped I would be thinking this during the application stage and not after I got the job. lol
I know that when I get there, it’ll probably won’t be as bad. I’ll probably flow into the groove of things easily.
I just can’t stop thinking about the negative side of everything. Also, as I roll into mid-May, the more I realize that I have less and less time to really pack my life up. I just want to know where I’m going so I can officially start getting everything ready. I feel like with the lack of placement information I can’t really do anything and my mom will continue to give me speeches on how I need to be ready.
Arrrrrgh.