a merkypie in japan

There’s less than two weeks to go before I start a new chapter in my life in another country.

It’s really surreal. I’ve been having so many different emotions these past few weeks. Everything from a euphoria of, ” Oh my god! ” to utter dread and fear, ” Oh god, I don’t think I can do this. ”

I feel like I have pretty decent size shoes to fill once I arrive and pick up after what my predecessor did. Sometimes I feel like I’m not prepared at all. I’m not a teacher. I didn’t take an TESOL course. How can I do this? A year ago, it seemed so easy. It looked like it was easy. Now, I’m sitting here thinking I’m going to be the worst teacher on the planet. It’s a scary thought.

Running workshops and panels at conventions are nothing compared to teaching children, in a classroom, another language. I don’t know what my expectations are to be and what they expect from me. There’s a lot of unknown uncertainty that is simply stressing me out. I want to do my job to the best of my ability and not be told that my pred did it better.

Coupled with the fears of my job, there’s also the stress of moving. I’m working and I’m tearing down my life. I’m trying to figure out what stays, what goes, and what goes in the trash. One suitcase is already packed, one is halfway, and then my TO bag is being organized. I’m just stressed out and completely anxious.

I feel like I don’t have enough time.

I wonder if I’m not the only one feeling like this? You would think that the closer and closer I get to boarding that plane, the more excited I’ll be. I think reality just slapped me hard in the face. It still doesn’t even feel real. Like, I know it’s happening, but it’s still not like… real. I think I will be so emotionally overhwhelmed the moment I step into Narita.

On August 3rd, I’ll be driving down to Miami for predeparture orientation, then wake up at 3:00am to be at the airport at 4:30am for departure. Insane. I will be on a plane at this time, over the Pacific, in two weeks.

This post has a lot of feels.

  • Waifu

    In my decade of experience, the only bad teachers are the ones who don’t care or stop growing as professionals. You’ll be great!

    • Merkypie

      awww thank you! coming from you, i feel more relieved, waifu <3 <3 <3 <3

  • Travis

    So great to see a post from you, Merkie. You are going to do great! I am really excited for you.

    “I’m working and I’m tearing down my life.”
    This is exactly how I felt when I packed and moved to my current school. I get to visit my family so I suppose I cannot imagine what you are going through. You will do great! Post a lot of pictures, please!! :)

    • Merkypie

      heeeeeeeeyyyyy you :3 thanks for reading :3

      i think any move is a big deal, no matter where you go. when i packed up and left to minnesota, that was a big deal. though, something about this move seems a lot bigger. i guess it’s a lot more emotional.

      i’ll be posting all the pictures :)))